It probably isn't apparent to most people that being a Mom or Dad has anything to do with being a dental student. But it definitely does, and I will have to start from the beginning to explain this phenomenon.
Thinking back on receiving my acceptance letter to dental school, I can easily remember those feelings of surprise, joy, and complete excitement that I actually was going to become a dentist. At first I didn't believe it, then I jumped up and down a few times, called my family to share the news and celebrated with my husband. Similarly back in 2006, after the initial shock wore off from first seeing that pink line on the pregnancy test, I recall a very similar event in which I most definitely didn't believe it, then called my family and celebrated with my husband (while he threw down a few drinks for other reasons I'm sure). People around us even reacted in similar ways to both instances. We received many congratulations regarding my future as a dentist just as I had with my future as a new parent. In both these situations, I was overjoyed, proud of the dentist/parent I would become, and vowed to myself that no matter how hard it is that I'll push myself to be the most fabulous dentist/parent ever. I had day dreams of making my patients love and trust me just as I had dreams of my children wanting me to be their best friend.
Then as time went on for about 6-8 months since my acceptance letter / positive pregnancy test, I started doubting myself. The anxiety began to set in. Can I really do this? Is this really happening? Am I ready? What else can I do to prepare? There is nothing worse than that gut wrenching feeling around 3 weeks before dental school starts / before your due date where you feel like you can't run away from what is to come. I remember distinctly in both situations, I had a talk with myself to say - face it, and just be confident.
Then the day came. The first day of dental school. That day when I marched into the building, standing tall and ready for all the challenges that lay ahead. I was on a high, not even phased by the fact that I couldn't sleep all night. Similarly, the day my first daughter was born, I don't remember being tired at all despite the fact that I had been up since 10pm the night before. Suddenly I became a parent - I had a new challenge, and I told myself that I'd be the very best that I can be. I said the same thing when I first donned my white coat.
By Day 3 of being a brand new student/parent, I realized the high was gone, and I was exhausted. For the next 8-12 months, I slept very little. I was up at weird hours of the night and waking at ridiculously early times in the morning. In becoming a dental student just as I had as a new mom, I distinctly threw away any motivation to make myself appear remotely put-together. My daughter did learn to sleep better with each passing night, just as I learned to study better with each passing exam - but that didn't stop her from waking up at night just as my exams never stopped coming. Even though I expected it, both first years of parenting and dental school always brought upon unfortunate events that just slapped me in the face, no matter how prepared I was. No parent can prepare for a poop/vomit combo blowout just as no student can ever prepare for dropping a case full of teeth during a practical exam.
Somewhere in that first year, I hit some milestones. Those were what kept me going as a parent and also as a surviving first year dental student. I went through the rites of passage of gross anatomy lab and picking up a handpiece. Similarly, during the first years as a parent I witnessed my child's first spoon-fed meal and first steps. I realized though that those milestones were there to just make me feel better. As soon as you pat yourself on the back for getting this far, your kid rolls off the bed and bonks her head or you stab yourself with a running drill.
At the 1 year mark, I started feeling more "advanced". Not really, but I desperately wanted to feel it. In school I saw new freshman coming in and I recall thinking how glad I was to not be them. When my daughter turned 1 I remember feeling like a pro when I saw new young parents in the pediatrician's waiting room as they wooed over their newborn thinking "Hah, just wait." By that 1 year point, I had a rhythm, a schedule and had things relatively under control.
The problem is that starting Year 2 of dental school or Year 2 of being a parent is that it's still hard, if not harder - and no one really cares anymore. People stopped asking how I was doing, and it was as if they seemed to think that since I'd been doing this for a year now, what's the problem? Let me tell you what the problem is. Year 2 is a lot like Year 1, except the novelty had worn off. Being a Year 2 dental student is like being in a forgotten dungeon. People forget all about you - all the attention goes to the first year students to help them get adjusted, the 3rd year students to help them begin clinic sessions, and 4th year students to help them graduate. Likewise, being a parent of a 1 year old is old news because your kid is not the innocent little newborn anymore but you don't really get "credit" for dealing with the "Terrible Two's" because, well, they're not 2 yet. It's awful. My 2nd daughter didn't sleep well her entire first 2 years of life, and I most certainly didn't snooze right through that myself. My 2nd year of dental school was equally sleep-deprived as it was academically far challenging than my first year - I took more exams, had more lab hours, but just like being a parent of a 1 year old - it was a year to simply "suck up."
Then 3rd year began - and in both my experiences as a dental student and as a parent - that was the year that everything changed. My role suddenly changed. Instead of taking care of the very basics (learning what's in the books / changing diapers and feeding), I suddenly became responsible to actually put all my skills into play. I started clinic sessions as a 3rd year student, and in my 3rd year of parenting I suddenly had a comprehending, curious and very smart kid to deal with. I had to learn to communicate better - with my stubborn toddler and stubborn patient alike. I learned that chairside manners mattered more than book smarts for my patients, just like my behavior and quick wit mattered more than "What to Expect" books for my children. This was the year - the 3rd year of being a dental student / parent - that I learned to manipulate and convince the patient/child that I was right. I had to bribe my patients to brush their teeth and scare them into doing home oral hygiene just as I had done with my kids to simply behave and listen to me. A big part of both working with patients and with kids is that I had to convince them that whatever I was proposing was their idea to begin with.
While I haven't gotten to my 4th year of dental school yet, I did reach my 4th year as a parent and I can easily predict what this year of school will be like. In the 4th and final year of dental school, I will really be tested in pretty much everything I've learned and accumulated in the past 3 years. There are national boards, regional/state board exams, endless competency exams and applications to residencies or jobs. It's as if one test is not enough to prove that I know how to be a dentist. I can see that being a parent of a 4 year old is oddly not much different. Everything I'd practiced (or didn't practice) came out of the closet by this stage. Just like being a 4th year dental student, being a 4th year parent is filled with tests. My daughter asked endless questions, quizzing me, testing me - not just on my patience but on every. single. thing that she was curious about. But why? How does that work? Why does it do that? How come you don't know why it does that? All I wanted to say was "Just because that's the way it is!!" but just like any patient who wants answers, a kid can see right through it.
Then in 2014 I'll be done with school, and I'm curious if the similarities between my dental career and parenting will continue. Just the other day, I sent my very first patient that I started working with in June 2012 home with her new set of partial dentures. It had been a long, arduous process involving appointments on a bimonthly basis (minimum) and hours and hours of work, re-work, and more work. When I completed her final adjustment yesterday and watched her walk through the doors outside from the reception desk, I felt a pang of some feeling similar to that when I first sent Kaylee off to Kindergarten. Just as I had taught Kaylee to keep her legs crossed, use nice words, and be friendly towards others before sending her off, I had worked with my patient for 8 months, giving her the tools and instruction to take care of herself and her teeth, and sent her home. Funny when I look back and compare the two events, I found myself reflecting on all that I've learned throughout these few years and realized it's far more than I could have imagined.
Both parenting and dental school certainly made me age. I feel, act, and look older. Both experiences gave me anxiety at some points where I thought I would break, and I felt like I was falling off the edge a few times in both my parenting and educational adventures. I found comfort in seeking friends in dental school or parents that could relate to my frustrations, and more than once in my parenting path or school experience did I ask myself "How did I get here"?
I know it doesn't get easier. Just because I graduate from doesn't mean my professional life now will be easy. Just because my kids are potty trained and can tie their shoes certainly doesn't mean that my job is done. I guess what I learned from both these experiences is the similarities that in the end - life in general just gets harder. As it should. After all, where is the joy in overcoming those challenges if everything were easy?
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